Move on to the next Module - which is Questioning and Listening Skills

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Here are some questions that Bob and Tanya could work on together to establish the relationship's boundaries, agenda, and objectives:

Objectives	What are Tanya's long term career objectives? How does she want to develop?
What will I do?	Agree things like - 'give you feedback', 'communicate with your boss', 'listen', and so on.
What won't I do?	Things like 'solve your problems for you', 'do your work for you', 'compromise my own work'.
What can I do?	Things like 'advise you on our function's work', 'help you with political advice'.
What can't I do?	Things like 'teach you everything', 'set your goals for you', 'sponsor your projects and coaching tasks', 'influence your team leader'..
How should we meet?	An agreed frequency and duration for the meetings.

 

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Building rapport
Bob realises that he has to build rapport with Tanya. They come from different parts of the department, are at different levels, and of course they are different people!

'Rapport' is the ability to see a situation from the Mentee's point of view. It has been expressed as 'the ability to enter someone else’s world, to make them feel that you understand them. You may find this sort of thing difficult. Here are some tips to help:

At your first meeting, it is a good idea to ask the person what their hopes and fears are. Give them time to think, let them speak fully. Hopefully, you'll hear:

Hopes - things you can reinforce, but perhaps some overambitious aspirations that you can discuss and get agreed on a more realistic level.

Fears - perhaps things like:.

"How will I get on with my mentor?"

"What will my colleagues think?"

"Will my manager be happy with this arrangement?"

You should both discuss the way that the forthcoming relationship will work. In particular, there may be some justifiable fears about the amount that can be achieved with limited time, workload, and so on. You need to set out some guidelines:

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Contracting with each other
Bob and Tanya have introduced themselves, and discussed their hopes and fears. They seem to be a good match! Bob asks "what sort of things would you see us working on?" Tanya says "I'd be happy with an open agenda. I'm sure you could advise me on all sorts of issues. To be honest, you seem more approachable than my boss!"

• Listen. This is the most important action.
• Don't judge and evaluate as someone is talking! Bob must try to concentrate on really understanding Tanya's feelings rather than thinking about his next response.
• Pace - Bob has to sense Tanya's pace and allow her to think and learn at her own speed. Often, he knows the answers, but he'll have to let her do a bit of work!

• Get comfortable - the discussion should be relaxed, and in an environment that suits them.
• Summarise - Bob should make sure he fully understands what Tanya has said by summarising it and getting her agreement. If it's a complex issue, she will appreciate the clarity of his expression, and feel that he is really in tune with her.